I Am Kissing Expectations Goodbye

Then Job replied to the Lord:

“I know that you can do all things;
    no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
    Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me to know…”

I don’t believe everything happens for a reason.

Let me explain.

There are close to 3.5 billion people that live off of $2.50 a day (half the world, folks). One billion of those are children who actually live off of a dollar less than that. Approximately one out of ten children in the states have endured more than one ACE (adverse childhood experience, think trauma and think bad things happening to little ones outside of their control). 40-50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. A little over 600,000 people died from cancer in 2018.

Big ole bummers. Why am I mentioning them then, especially on a blog meant to hype people up spiritually?

Because the world is not as it ought to be. The weight and toll of suffering faced by people in this world, by all of us in varying ways and varying intensities, is not what God wanted when He first made the world. Yet in an effort to promote the sovereignty of God and His deliverance of His kids from the horror wrought from sin and darkness and death, I believe we have subtly undermined God’s great capacity to bear witness to our pain.

Looking and fondling for a quick fix to great evils, we pray, however good intentioned, for an end of heartache, an end of pain, an end of abuses and corruptions. And I am not saying we should not be doing this. Prayers for justice and peace are powerful and always heard by God.

But what if the great and seemingly insurmountable presence of suffering is intended, or maybe, subverted, to prove, more greatly, the power of love? The power of good? The power of forgiveness? The power of peace? The power of Christ?

There’s no such thing as a good story without terrible conflict. Any biblical narrative, any Pulitzer-prize winning novel, any Oscar winning movie is built with tremendous tension at the heart of the story. Stories without suffering provide no meaning, no purpose, no themes, and no insight on the human condition. Stories are, in fact, often good or bad depending on the relatable-ness and truth of the pain and struggle present within.

In David’s arc, it is consistently his bold embrace of the ways of God followed by his steep departure from them in a vicious and intense loop (I think David was a type 4 on the Enneagram). In Moses’s arc, it is consistently his weak view of self, his low sense of esteem which he persistently works to upend (with the help of God and His power). In Paul’s arc, it is consistently his devout and legalistic adherence to the law which is superseded by his passionate, reckless love for Jesus, the ultimate “heretic.”

I could go on an on, using biblical arcs or any other story arcs, showing how it is a character overcoming adversity that is compelling. A climax and falling action mean nothing without rising action and character development. We don’t skip to the last episode of the third season of Stranger Things. We don’t skim all of the way through Lord of the Rings until Frodo is at the Crack of Doom. We don’t skip ahead to Jesus’ ascension while ignoring His incarnation, death, and resurrection. We see His story, and anyone’s story, all the way through. We have to see their scars. We can’t just see them succeed.

And we definitely can’t see them succeeding without scars. Rather, precisely, we love to see them succeed BECAUSE of their scars.

2019 has given me a lot of scars. Failed relationships, work stressors, sudden stints of depression, occasional paycheck to paycheck periods, etc. There has been ample opportunity for bitterness, an abundance of occasions to snap back in reactionary anger, and dozens of moments in between to completely throw this God thing out of the window because “it isn’t working.”

I am still single. I am working/lower-middle class. I have similar sin issues that I’ve had for years. Things I anticipated would be different from now seem like they may last longer than I thought.

And yet, I am kissing expectations goodbye.

My circumstances are not what I want, yet I believe my character is growing (perhaps, because of circumstances I don’t want. Another time, another blog). I am not bitter about these failed relationships, I still enter work every day yearning to bless my students and fellow educators, I have learned how to quickly get out of depressive stints, and am adopting methods to save more money (and give more away too!).

There are so many reasons for even the happiest person with the greatest of circumstances to harbor resentment, anger, and frustration about so many things in their life that did NOT go the way they hoped. Yet, Jim Carrey is famously cited for saying the following about dreams and hopes: “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

The good life isn’t about living for good things to happen to you. The good life is about living for good things to happen to others.

Eternal life is about knowing the Father, Abba, the Creator God, like Jesus says in the Upper Room. Knowing this God, this three-in-one totally Other and holy being has no bearing on your circumstances. I’ll say that again; knowing this God, the God of all time and space, does not guarantee that things will go well for you.

This may, in a way, be hard to hear. But it is the truth.

There are too many good people suffering in this world for us to dismiss. There is no quality answer to bring them 100% assurance that things will go better for them.

Yet you know what is 100% assured for them, and for every single human that has ever lived?

God’s love, God’s presence, God’s peace. We need only ask.

Knock, and the door will open for you.

Further, God may even give you eyes to see and ears to hear and hearts to receive the good gifts He wants to give you even in the midst of the heavy circumstances presented before you.

This is the character of God. This is why the apostle John describes God as the verb, love.

So wherever you are at with this God thing, whether the most devout, crushing-it spiritual giant without blemish or sin or the lowliest, desperate, horribly sinful beggar, God is only a prayer away.

He might call for you to repent, but this is due only to His kindness. And if you are brokenhearted, I have good news for you; God is near to you, specifically.

As my favorite sinner and saint Brennan Manning (RIP) always said, God loves you right as you are, not as you should be. Because you will never be as you should be.

Grace and peace, from your brother,

Caleb